It's Better at Home

Last night was girls night out. We had a great Japanese dinner and then ventured to a "Flirty 30s and Naughty 40s party". Plan and simple it was an old school party for the 30 and 40 something crowd. No Soulja Boy, Chris Brown or Rihanna.

Overall the party was cool. I saw lots of folks that I hadn't seen in years. I was especially glad to see a dear friend and her husband that I had lost touch with over the last year. She being a mom to a preteen and me with LuvBug our schedules are different. The great thing is that our conversation flowed as if we spoke last week.

Seeing she and her hubby made me miss Mr. Curls. I sent him a text message asking to join us at the party. His response was hang with your girls, schedule dinner with dear friends and he'll see me when I get home.

Watching the couples, observing the flirtation between the singles and having no one to share funny quibbles left me a little empty.

I can honestly say that the whole club party thing is a part of my past. Being a Naughty 40 is making choices and being unapologetic for doing only those things that bring you pure happiness.

I know life is about balance. Next time I'll tell the girls yes for dinner but I'll pass on "da club".

Changes Are A Coming

Last month, I found out first informally and then formally that my Executive Director would be resigning effective 12/31/07. Not only was she leaving but I was asked to make a lateral move to head our Development department.

Honestly, I was actively looking externally for another job because my current situation was boring and uninspiring. So it wasn't like I was happy. I'm a people person and thrive on building relationships and meeting people. My concern is the uncertainty that change and transition brings.

Hey I'm a Taurus and like routine. So, the unknown rattles me.

Yes, I love challenges and this is a great opportunity as I'm building a department from its foundation. Yes, there is some familiarity with the staff because most of the individuals are being reassigned from other departments. Yes, my existing position has afforded me the opportunity to build solid relationships with our partners. So what's this I'm fearing?

Isn't the New Year a time for resolution and renewal?

Testing

our laptop's camera. Wow, that's how I look at the end of a long day.

Jingle Bells

My Christmas was a blast! I must admit that although by 4pm I was so tired that I was seeing double I did pull myself together and met up with the rest of my family at a cousins for desserts and drinks. We had soooo much fun! Kids running around. My parents starting the soul train line. The guys watching the basketball game. Nothing but love flowing.

The best part of the evening is that my daughter stayed the night with her godparents. So my Christmas was capped off with hubby and I enjoying some alone time which was...the best gift of all.

In Less than 24 Hours

Christmas is in less than 24 hours and I still have so much to do. Each year I act as though this is some new event on the calendar. Sheesh! I think because my LuvBug's birthday is so close to Christmas that I want to keep each day separate and special to her. Are those my issues? Probably so as she just turned 3 years old this past Thursday.

Anyway, you ask what else has to be accomplished today? Well here it is.

1-Bloomingdale's to pick up a gift card for my Mom. What else do you get the person that has everything?

2-The grocery store to get my last items for my mac & cheese and another hot pasta dish that I'm making for my BF.

3-The card store as I need to pick some cards for the hubby, parents and my godson.

4-Clean, clean & clean...my house is still recovering from the LuvBug's third birthday.

5-Decorate...I still need to hang up the stockings and finish my dining room table.

6-Wrap present...need I say more.

The good thing is that LuvBug's school is open today. I guess it's to accommodate parents like me.

Well, let me get her up so we can get out. On the mark, set, go...wish me luck.

Santa Baby...

thanks for the new Sony laptop. Yes, I'm back in blogland. My home desktop was busted and only served as a way for me to read email. When I attempted to blog or perform multiple functions the thing would freeze up on me.

I'm soooo happy and have again committed to blogging on a regular basis. Although I've been kinda in and out lurking from work I truly look forward to catching up with you all.

How has Santa treated you so far?

Angel Baby

On this day four years ago I suffered a tremendous loss. On October 1, 2003 I suffered a miscarriage in the 21st week of pregnancy. I was thrown into grieving a life that was abstract to many but so very real to me.

Even though I now have a beautiful daughter there are many days that I think about my beloved angel. Boy or girl? Personality? Looks? Who were you my little one?

As I reflect today, little one I know who you are. Little one you filled your Mom with a spirit of peace, a soul full of faith and heart full of love. Because of you the world has LoveBug. Because of you I'm complete. Because of you I can show up as an adult. Because of you I can Finally be Me.

Mommy misses you!

Organize...

I have been on a little hiatus. Not because I don't have much to say. I think it's the contrary. I have too much to say and don't know how to organize my blog entries.

Blog Family, how do you organize your blog? Do you record your thoughts in a notebook first?

I'm listening.

25 More...

26-I'm a stress eater.
27-I hate people that litter.
28-I want my next job to be located in midtown Manhattan.
29-I have a major crush on him.
30-I thought Dreamgirls was overly hyped.
31-I love getting spa pedicures.
32-Last year, my prom date died of brain cancer.
33-The Xmas prior to his death he sent me the book "1001 Places to Visit before You Die".
34-Growing up my dad was emotionally unavailable due to his substance abuse problems.
35-My dad is a great grandfather to my LuvBug.
36-My career counselor told me to "kick" the term resume to the curb.
37-Currently, I'm working on my summary of professional accomplishments.
38-I can drive a stick shift.
39-I love rainy spring days.
40-I'd love to take a cooking class.
41-I prepared to take the LSATS.
42-I hate standardized tests.
43-While I was pregnant, I had erotic dreams starring me and PDiddy.
44-My hubby and PDiddy have the same birthday.
45-I have a great sense of humor.
46-I'm the office clown.
47-LuvBug is a clown.
48-I love bling!
49-Flattery gets me everytime.
50-My hubby can be the most charming MF you'll ever meet.

Can I just say...

that I'm sick of OJ's azz!

Simply Said

As you know, I'm a Wei.ght W.atch.er. A key component of their program is the weekly weigh-ins.

At my WW center an older woman is responsible for our weigh-in. For this story let's call her Jane. Well, it's evident that Jane can sense my nervousness because she always "drops" some thought provoking "gems" on me. Our last exchange went something like this:

Jane: Good Morning K. How was your week?
Me: Ummm, good. I really worked hard. I worked out 4 times this week!
Jane: Okay. When you are ready get on the scale.
Me: *I get on the scale*
Jane: Beautiful, you are down 2.8 pounds.
Me: Yipppeee!
Jane: K, you look like the kind of person that if I asked you to do something for me you'd be right there.
Me: *giving her a yes nod*
Jane: Do me a favor; be there for yourself. Take time for yourself everyday.

This has stayed with me all week.

Fam, do me a favor...today take sometime for yourself.

The Little Mermaid

Last night, was the LuvBug's first swimming lesson.

Go Figure

My husband is angry with me because he broke the TV in our bedroom. No your eyes haven't deceived you; this fool ain't half way speaking because he broke the TV.

Funny thing is that I wasn't in the house when he dropped said TV. When I returned from exercising, the LuvBug announced to me "that Daddy broke the television and deserved a spanking". *In my mature voice* I explained that "we all have accidents, it's no big thing and it'd be okay". But this fool is still salty.

Now don't get wrong pre-LuvBug my temper was to be reckoned with. This juvenile behavior would have caused me to blackout. I'd get all frustrated by his shortness with me. No more!

Mommyhood has changed me. I'm more thoughtful with my actions and words. I try to stay conscious of the WORDS my little one is exposed to. I'm not talking about being a push over or wimpy; I'm talking about being a grown azz woman. I'm talking about picking battles and not letting HIS stuff be MY stuff.

He'll get over it.

Weekend Recap...

• Friday, I came home from work dog tired. I tried to watch "The Illusionist" but feel asleep within the first 15 minutes.
• Saturday, we attended my family's Annual Whitney Young Tailgate Party.
• Sunday, was my day! The LuvBug was hanging with her auntie and I was able to get a mani and pedi. I spent the rest of the day organizing for this week. I was able to cook some bbq chicken and veggie ziti that I think may last us for a better part of this week.

Ohhhh before I forget, the best news is that I had my weekly Wei.ght Wa.tchers weigh in and *drum roll please* I'm down 2.8 pounds. Yeah, booooy....

Outta Sorts...

Don't know what's wrong but lately I've been a little outta of sorts. Perhaps PMS is the culprit although I'm thinking the the source of my angst is my dang job.

I swear I work at the most dysfunctional place in America. I mean this place is the stuff that would make a good plot for those chiterling circuit aka "Why My Man Did Me Wrong?" and "I Ain't Trying to Be a Golddigger" plays. Crazy fo'real...

I think at the root of the problem is that there is a sharp contrast between the agency's mission and the way senior management treats it's staff. Ya see, my agency is supposed to be in the building strong stable families business. Not the humiliating and disrespecting staff business. More specifically, there is one senior manager that has run amuck in his department. I mean this guy is a clown. Sadly, the women (most are single parents) feel powerless and voiceless because they need their jobs and benefits.

It's sad! No, it's killing me softly. It sounds drastic but each time I enter my office a piece of my creativity, energy, optimism and brain power leaves my body. Sapped...

I'm down but not out. I'm survivor and over the last two weeks I have hired a career counselor. So far, we have discussed my work history and are completing some get to know you exercises.

I know that my work with this counselor is not just about a career transition but about a personal transition. It's about becoming the woman I was put on this earth to be.

It is my time to emerge from the warm safe cocoon...it's time to fly butterfly.

Flip That House

My house has come undone. What was supposed to be a routine delivery of a couch, chair and stove (odd combination, I know) has turned into a bad episode of Design on a Dime, Design Star and Color Splash.

You see we live in a old two family home. This house has been in our family for years and my auntie lives on the first floor; we live on the second and third levels. Great starter space for our young family.

The problem is that we have narrow stairwells and doors. I'm sure that when the place was built there was no thoughts of 50 inch plasmas, mega refrigerators or overstuffed couches.

Well, last Saturday the furniture delivery men couldn't move our furniture thru the second floor landing. They pushed & pulled but to no avail. So, DH says to me "I'm going to knock out the living room door so that we can get the furniture in. *I'm thinking what the fugg is happening here.* DH again, "the door must come out", "it's too small", "it's not practical". Mind you, this is all with a couch and chair rammed all up in my front stairwell. Of course, the delivery guys had long gone. Making matters worse, is that shortly thereafter the guys came to deliver my new stove. After assessing the situation they too proceed to inform us that they couldn't bring the stove thru the rear entry and we had to reschedule when the front entry was clear. Argh!

Just as an update, the furniture is off the steps and in my living room. DH was able to get his weekend warrior on and freshen up some painting, add molding and begin repairing the door.

I'll post pictures later.

Holla back,

Are You Ready For Some Football?

I'm not or nor is my home. My DH is a lifelong Pittsburgh Steelers fan. Brotha bleeds the Black & Gold. My life, home and sanity will be turned upside down for the next few months. Their season equals his attitude. In this household, winning season = happy hubby. Men can be sooo childish. It's funny because he gets so emotionally involved. My retort is that when the Steelers start sending you a paycheck that's when their win/loss record can serve as our happiness barometer. ;-) But, in an odd way it's cute...

But on the real, this is the first year for Head Coach Mike Tomlin. He's a young and the Steeler's first African American Head Coach. So I'll even be peeking in on the games. I wish the Steelers, Coach Tomlin and their loyal fans a healthy and winning season.

High Five to the Black & the Gold,

25 Things About Ya Girl

1-I live in New Jersey.
2-I received my undergraduate degree from a HBCU.
3-I earned an MPA from Rutgers University.
4-I'm an only child!
5-I'm very, very close to my girl cousins. They are like sisters.
6-Prior to having my DD I suffered two miscarriages. One in the first trimester and the other in the 21st week.
7-Because of #6 I was on complete bedrest while pregnant with DD.
8-While pregnant with DD I became diabetic.
9-I have a 13 year old stepdaughter.
10-I'm my own worst critic.
11-Professionally, I've always sold myself short.
12-I'm constantly being told that I'm highly intelligent, hard worker with solid skills.
13-To that end, recently I've started seeing a career counselor. So far, she's great!
14-I've suffer from mild depression. Nothing that required medication but issues deep enough that I still see a therapist.
15-My mom is my BF.
16-My hubby has a twin sister.
17-In the past, my DH and I separated for about 2 months. We reconciled but it's still a day-to-day process.
18-I'm seriously feeling like I need to lose 50 pounds.
19-I'm loving my new hair color. It's reddish brown and sexy as he**. Very fallish!
20-I hate exercising.
21-I love good soul food.
22-I'm addicted to reality tv.
23-My best girlfriend and I have been friends since 5th grade. We are still going strong and can talk on the phone for hours.
24-I'm looking for a church home.
25-My daughter's birth saved my life.

Allow Me to Introduce Myself....

I'm a 40 "something" married mom to a highly energetic almost 3 year old. My family is a close knit bunch and I'm lucky enough to live directly around the corner from my parents. My DH is a police officer who works the 7pm to 3am shift leaving me alone with DD most nights.

What else? Currently, I'm a Finance Manager at a mid-size nonprofit. Although, I admire the agency's mission and adore many of my co-workers I strongly dislike a key senior level manager who is determined to make my life miserable. This situation is unbearable and I'm actively seeking a career transition. I've allowed this person too much power in my life...and I've had enough of that.

What else? Urg! All I can say is that I need to lose about 50 pounds. I stress, I eat! That was simple. I attend Weight Watchers and sooner or later it will click. I know this much is true!

I love all things fabulous! Most times my wallet can't support my taste but I love beautiful things. I shop at a variety of places and do subscribe to mixing high and low price items to create the perfect look. I'm a recovering beauty product junkie. Additionally, I love celebrity gossip, African American literature, good wine, reality shows, HGTV, fashion and all types of music.

This blog site is something for me. It's not for my hubby or DD but a private space for me. I'm hoping that it will provide me with a constructive way to express my emotions, thoughts and opinions.

Till tomorrow,
~Lulu